2009-11-18
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a set of paint brushes on my table and a small canvas, new paints, but i don't know what to do. probably because i don't know what to do in the most general sense. i have no direction at the moment, and that would not bother me except for how deeply i want it. i want a goal and someway to reach it. i want to pick a school, take my exams, or not, find a program, find something, anything. but i have very seriously set myself up by being here. why did i do it? i know that i was really not doing well over the things that happened toward the end of the year but i wish i had been able to look further ahead. this is not a useful situation, in fact it's horribly wasteful.
my canvas was white so i put it away, beside my bed and i opened a bottle of wine. i am best friends with my bed lately.
goldenpear at 2:36 p.m.