2009-07-07
on running
i let myself lose so many people and so many things that I love and need. mostly i don't know why. how can i love people so much but run so far away from them? why do i get so scared?
someone told me that it means that i don't really love those people, and sometimes i believe her. but the truth is, the people i am most distanced from, are the people who mean most to me. but yet i can't do it. i can't go through the fakeness of everyday trying and trying to act in acceptable ways and fit appropriate categories that don't make any sense. people change and grow and move and evolve and me? me? well, i'm not a person. it was established in the last post that i was supposed to be a rock. i don't change. i dont move or evolve. i do, i don't really have a choice in that... but it's not me.
where/who is me? the more i actually love someone the more i realize i can't take part in my own love, and it makes me feel so dead. how can i not run away?
goldenpear at 6:56 p.m.